Often lately, my life has felt like one big endless wait. Waiting for a call about a better job. Waiting for the end of the day at my current job. Waiting for something better. It seems I’m always waiting for something and I have a niggling feeling that I can’t ignore, a little malicious voice in the back of my head telling me that I’m going to be waiting forever. But the truth is that it doesn’t have to be that way, really. That’s just my own negativity trying to bring me down. So at what point do I stop waiting and start acting?
Sometimes I think I’m hoping someone else will come and save me from my existence but I know I can’t rely on others for that, or really much of anything if I were being honest. I am in charge of myself and my fate and I can’t allow myself to keep wanting, however secretly, that some big shiny hero will change my life for me. For one, those kind of heroes only exist in fiction and two, I can’t put something that personal and important in the well intentioned but completely wrong hands of someone else.
But seriously, as awesome as Iron Man is, even he wouldn’t be able to make those changes for me. What other people want for me and what I want for me could be vastly different. I could end up in a shiny hero-y version of hell for all I know.
Waiting is toxic and insidious. It drains you and ages you. And then you blink and you’re fifty and realise that you have wasted your life just waiting. I don’t want to be fifty and still be unhappy with the way my life is and where it’s headed. Hell, I don’t even want to turn twenty two and still be that person. I don’t want to wake up one day and find that, while I’ve been waiting around hoping for something else, everyone I know is living the lives they always wanted. I don’t want to die and be just another person getting through life hoping for the end of the day. I want things for me, better things. I want to love my life not just suffer through it. Don’t get me wrong, there are some pretty great parts about my life but there’s also a whole big fat lot of parts that kinda suck. And I’ve realised that the only person who can change that is me.
People spend so much of their lives waiting for things. Sometimes it’s a necessary evil and other times it’s bred from laziness. I think about how much time I’ve personally spent waiting and I want to slap past me in the face. To present and future me, I just have one thing to say; Waiting will get you nowhere, girl. If you want solutions to your problems and changes to your dull circumstances, then you have to act. And what better time to start acting than today.