I have so many thoughts in my head but I’m unable to collect them coherently. There are things I want to say, things I want to scream at the top of my lungs actually, but I don’t have the appropriate words. It is a frustrating thing for me to have no words. My words are my way of venting and without them, I’m kind of lost.

I don’t know to feel about things lately. I know the signs, can predict them before they happen, and now they’re here. For now, the unhappiness. Soon, the numbness. It never goes away, not really. Just waxes and wanes. I hate this stupid brain.

It is not an easy thing to understand. Most of the time I don’t even understand it myself. It doesn’t make sense to cry for no reason. It doesn’t make sense to want to stay in bed and never leave. It doesn’t make sense to feel nothing. I’m a living, breathing person, how can I feel nothing?

I envy the happy people. I want to be the happy people. I need to remind myself that I will be happy again. I need to remind myself that there are good things in my life. I need to remind myself to feel.

Don’t be offended if I seem distant or cold. Don’t ask me if I’m ok. Don’t tell me to be happy. Just accept that my brain is broken and let me fix myself. It might take a while but I’ll get better. I always do.