The Trouble With Going Out

I do not like going out. Despite this, somehow the other night, I found myself in a crowded pub. But not just any pub. I found myself in a pub that is particularly notorious for being a sleazy dive. And within the first ten minutes, I was forcefully reminded why I dislike going out. These are the reasons.

1. I get hit on by creepy old men. Why is it that people automatically assume that if you’re out on the town, you’re looking for a hookup? I honestly wouldn’t care if I was dealing with Brad Pitt, meeting someone in a pub or club doesn’t appeal to me in the slightest. I mean seriously, can’t a person just go out to enjoy some live music and hang with some friends? Apparently not, because each of the few times I’ve been out, including the other night, I’ve been harassed by creepy older men who refuse to take no for an answer. And when I get nasty because they don’t accept polite refusal, they have a go at me as if my disinterest and distaste wasn’t obvious right from the get go. I just prefer to stay home, where I don’t have to worry about being stared at or flirted with and don’t have to utter the phrase ‘Sod off, I’m not interested.’


2. I just don’t like crowds. Large groups of people make me uncomfortable, and when combined with copious amounts of alcohol, I get downright jumpy. I don’t trust drunk people on their own, much less in a crowd. And especially at this particular pub, which is renowned for attracting the really rowdy drunken idiots. My frazzled nerves certainly didn’t thank me after the other night, that’s for sure!

3. The music almost always sucks. Either, as with the other night, you have live bands that play crap songs really badly, old dudes in too tight pants trying to recapture their lost youth, or young, smarmy jerks who think they’re better than everyone else just because they can bang away at an instrument. I love music. I hate good music being butchered by bad musicians.

4. It’s not an environment that is conducive to comfort. You have to shout to be heard, get knocked about by gyrating bodies, get all sweaty and smelly and your feet end up aching so badly that you want to cut them off, regardless of the shoes you’re wearing. Why people willingly put themselves through all that completely baffles me.

Grumpy Cat knows. Grumpy Cat always knows.

5. The exorbitant price of a drink. I don’t drink a lot but when I do, I do my best to get out of it as cheaply as I can. So I begrudge paying ten dollars for a premix. The knowledge that I could save myself a fucktonne of cash (among other things) by stopping off at a bottle shop and taking a few drinks to a friend’s place makes going out infinitely less appealing.

6. Finally, the girls. For some reason, whenever I go out, there is at least one girl who seemingly takes an instant and completely unnecessary dislike to me. I don’t hit on guys, so I know it’s not that they’re jealous of me talking to their boyfriends. I don’t talk to strangers (less about safety and more about I can’t be bothered/don’t care) so I know I haven’t said anything to offend them personally. And yet it happens every time, without fail. I can’t be bothered with that nonsense.

There are other reasons but I don’t want to bore you. So I will conclude by saying that going out is most definitely not, under any circumstances, my idea of a good time. Give me a cup of tea and a good book at home any night of the week. What can I say, I’m a simple creature. And also kind of an old lady.

Milo works just as well as tea. Just sayin'.

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