About Amy (a Comprehensive List of Useless Information)

I feel the need to write a blog but can’t be bothered writing a Maze Runner review just yet and don’t lead an interesting enough life to write about my day. So I’ma give you ten random facts about yours truly, instead (because it’s perhaps only marginally better than writing about my day). Maybe you’re interested. Or maybe you’re as bored as I am and just need something to do for the next couple of minutes.

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1. I wish I lived in a Steampunk universe. Rad clothes, big guns and weird names. I would rock all of it and yeah, I would be badass.
2. I don’t trust garden gnomes. They’re shifty. I just know that behind those jolly fat smiles, they are all harbouring murderous desires. You don’t fool me, you creepy little fuckers. I’m on to you.
3. I have an issue with hair. I don’t like anyone touching mine, and I can’t touch anyone else’s. It’s actually so bad that I can’t even look at someone playing with another person’s hair. My best friend’s beard may be the only exception to the rule.
4. I have major obsessions with the following; books, lingerie and tea. I buy books like they’re going out of fashion, drink tea as though my very existence depends on it and buy ridiculously expensive lingerie because I’m weak willed when it comes to lace and ribbon.
5. I am a firm believer in the benefits of masturbation. Seriously. It does wonders if you’re stressed, angry, tense, bored, or just plain toey. Having a bad day? Rub one out. Trust me, it’ll help.
6. As you may have gathered from random fact #5, I have a tendency to overshare and I’m not particularly shy or reserved. I’m that person who asks inappropriate questions at inappropriate times and then wonders why other people think I’m weird. I mean, anal sex is a perfectly acceptable dinner time topic, right?
7. I’m not very good at long distance relationships. Of the friends I’ve got, the majority of them live at least two hours away and I go months before I remember to talk to them. It’s not that I don’t like them, I just kind of forget they exist sometimes.
8. I think children are disgusting (regardless of the fact that I apparently was one once). They’re sticky and loud and always touching things. Occasionally I meet one with character but for the most part, I just kind of recoil and avoid. Plus, they’re essentially just smaller versions of normal sized people and normal sized people are awful.
9. I am a self confessed jerk. Part of it is that people mistake my brutal and unabashed honesty as meanness and part of it is that I’m actually just not very nice (see above point). I willingly and frequently admit that I’m a bad person, and I’m ok with it.
10. One day, if I ever grow up, I’m going to be a published author. Because the truth is, I’m not very good at much else and, well, I dig the idea of a job that doesn’t require me to wear pants or get up before 11.

So there it is. Now you know me a little better (than you probably wanted to). Feel free to go back to your lives, which are undoubtedly, infinitely more interesting than my own.

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