Ladies, this one is for you.
Having your period sucks ass. But you know what is just as bad? The lead up. In the days leading to my period, shit gets pretty crazy in the life of Amy. The men in my life would be forgiven for thinking I’ve lost the plot, and here’s why.
1. I get clumsy. I’m pretty clumsy at the best of times, but in the days before I get my period, I become downright dangerous. Take yesterday for example. Not only did I drop every second thing I picked up, and some things more than once (my purse, my keys, my lunch…), I slammed my knuckles on the engraving podium twice in the same spot, sliced my finger on a screwdriver, shut my car door on my knee and burnt my arm on incence. Seriously, I’m a mess.
2. I get crazy emotional. For a girl who has perpetually angry as her default emotional setting, I sure do get weepy around period time. The tiniest, most stupid things will set me off. A lame couple confess their love in a stupid romantic film, my eyes start prickling with tears. I catch three red lights in a row, I have to choke down a sob. I hear a pretty voice on the radio and I damn near burst into tears. I’m an emotional wreck, it’s understandably terrifying for others around me.
3. My boobs ache like a motherfucker. Honestly, sometimes I think I could deal with all the bleeding and the cramps and the emotional rollercoaster if it wasn’t for the aching boobs. It’s like someone has punched them until they’re bruised, and then keeps applying pressure to the bruises for the next week. I love boobs…right up until mine turn against me.
4. My brain refuses to work. I can’t seem to work out the easiest things, constantly ask questions I should already know the answers for, do stupid things constantly and forget everything. Ok, admittedly my brain doesn’t work well at the best of times but before my period, I get unintelligible, inarticulate, idiotic…actually, that’s not much different from every other day. Moving on.
5. I get all bloated and yuck. I feel like I’ve put on twenty kilos and all yet I want to do is stuff my face full of chocolate. I get so exhausted and blah that the internal battle between my desire to keep active and the need to just hop into bed and stay there forever is usually won by the latter. Except unfortunately I do actually have to get out of bed. It’s a vicious reality.
Getting your period is cruel. Having to suffer through the week before your period is even worse. Moral of this story? Be a boy.