Insidious Thoughts at One in the Afternoon

I’m in bed. It is nearly one in the afternoon and I’ve gotten up once to pee, and then jumped straight back in. I have no desire to move. I just want to sleep. But I can’t sleep. So I stay here, and lay here in semi darkness, enveloped in this warm cocoon, because it is easier than facing the day.

It’s back. The minute I’m alone, the facade fades away and I’m back to being nothing. I pretend that I’m fine but inside my chest, I have a black hole sucking away everything good and leaving me hollowed out and empty as a cicada shell. If you look, you will see an Amy shaped person, but look close and you will see the absence of anything within.

It’s on my mind again, a constant thought I can’t escape. Wouldn’t it just be easier? They would eventually move on, they would survive. And maybe I’d get a more intense paranormal experience than ever.

I don’t want this. I want to be ok, I want to be one of the happy people. I’m tired. So very, very tired.

2 thoughts on “Insidious Thoughts at One in the Afternoon

  1. I’m sorry I don’t know what to say and I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. But, you’re gonna be okay. Remember to ask for help when you need it and to never feel ashamed or guilty. And to write. Writing is good. Words can fill that hallowed out feeling in your chest. I mean, I for one am looking forward to reading more about your experiences with ghosts. So c’mon, I’ll get the campfire blazing and you get those stories ready!

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