I’m in bed. It is nearly one in the afternoon and I’ve gotten up once to pee, and then jumped straight back in. I have no desire to move. I just want to sleep. But I can’t sleep. So I stay here, and lay here in semi darkness, enveloped in this warm cocoon, because it is easier than facing the day.
It’s back. The minute I’m alone, the facade fades away and I’m back to being nothing. I pretend that I’m fine but inside my chest, I have a black hole sucking away everything good and leaving me hollowed out and empty as a cicada shell. If you look, you will see an Amy shaped person, but look close and you will see the absence of anything within.
It’s on my mind again, a constant thought I can’t escape. Wouldn’t it just be easier? They would eventually move on, they would survive. And maybe I’d get a more intense paranormal experience than ever.
I don’t want this. I want to be ok, I want to be one of the happy people. I’m tired. So very, very tired.