I am terrible at commitment. I prefer to visit people than to have them over, because then I can leave on my own terms. Collins aside, I have never stayed at a job for a full year. I am always starting a new story without finishing an old one. I sometimes change my clothes two or three times in a day. And don’t even get me started on relationships!
My commitment issues are coupled with an inherent frustration at my inability to do a thing. For example, despite owning a guitar for months, I can still only play about two chords. It’s not that I don’t want to learn, but I get too frustrated with my current lack of knowledge and talent, and get even more frustrated when I try and practice, because I can’t seem to get it right. I can’t do it yet so I put it off, so I can’t do it because I put it off. It’s a vicious cycle.
All of my creative pursuits are often like this. So when I decided to start The Elegant Fox, my friend asked me that question I was secretly dreading; ‘will you stick with it?’ At first, I wasn’t sure. That’s partly why I put it off for so long. But the more I thought about it, the more I came to realise the answer. And it’s applicable to all of my creations. Basically, I don’t need to be doing everything all at once. And the beauty of doing my own thing, is that I have some leeway. None of my creative pursuits are necessary, and I don’t do them for anyone else but me. So I have all the time in the world. And if I need to take a break from sewing so I don’t get bored or overwhelmed, then I can. It’s incredibly liberating.
I’ve woken up every morning for the last week thinking about sewing. It’s all I want to be doing! If I could afford to take time off work to sew, I would! So this weekend I sewed another apron for the shop, and today I made the first of my bow ties. And it occurred to me that even if I’m not sewing all the time, I’m invested enough in it that I can justify opening the shop and selling my stuff. And there’s my answer.
Maybe the solution to my commitment is being able to walk away and remember why I love something. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. If nothing else, it’s a theory worth testing out! I’ll let you know, but in the meantime, here are some of my recent creations.