Doing Relaxation Wrong

Do you ever just want to turn your brain off? There are times when I wish I could take my brain out, lock it away in a case and shut it away in the cupboard for a few days. Which is kind of a strange image, now that I think about it. But still!

There are a lot of things going on in my head. Good things, bad things, mad things. Always, things. And sometimes, it gets tiring. I’m constantly on the go, forever getting distracted by things I’ve remembered I have do. I need to think of something for tea and plan my time and clean my house and run my errands (and probably everyone else’s while I’m at it) and write and sew and practice guitar and…ALL the things! If I sleep in on the weekend, I feel like I haven’t been productive and I start to feel angry at myself for wasting time in bed that I could have spent doing something else. Yeah, I’m that guy.

My problem is that I don’t know how to relax, and I’m in an almost constant state of restlessness. Even now, I’m writing this blog only because I quickly lost interest in the movie I was watching and I haven’t posted in a couple of days. Since it’s too cold to move from the heater to sew and I’m not inspired to write properly, I have two options. I could fall asleep on the couch or I could blog. Obviously, the latter won out.

My best friend is constantly on me about having a bath. Unlike his house, mine actually has a bath and he is outraged by the fact that I haven’t used it in the entire month I’ve been in my house. Why? Well, partly because the back of my house is creepy at night and the door doesn’t close and I’m paranoid about axe murderers bursting in through my back door and butchering me to death while I’m nude. If I’m gonna die, I wanna go out with some dignity, y’know? But also, I have this weird rule about not having a bath if I have to get up and go to work in the morning. Like my relaxation period is timed and limited, so I can’t really enjoy it. Amy logic, at it’s finest.

And it’s not just the bath thing, or my refusal to sleep in. It’s even rare for me to just chill on the couch. Despite often proclaiming my inability to multitask (not a real woman, you understand), I’m actually kind of awesome at it. Watch a movie and paint my nails. Bake cupcakes and cookies at the same time. Read and drink tea…oh, hey maybe I can do relaxing things after all!

Perhaps there is something inherently wrong with me, that I would rather burn myself out doing stuff than take a few hours and do nothing…at least nothing that requires effort anyway. Maybe I just spent too long living with my dad, and developed his inability to sit and chill. Either way, as a perfectly timed text message just confirmed, I think I need to learn the art of relaxing. If I can just calm the constant hurricane of thoughts in my head, I might be less inclined to want to remove my pesky brain. In any case, relaxing would be the less painful (and bloody) option.

With that in mind, I’m going to go and make a cup of tea and determinedly finish this film…without painting my nails or updating my Facebook page or anything else resembling productive multitasking. I can do this…I think!

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My memoir.
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