Unlucky in Life

My life is chaotic. Partly because I’m pretty much always busy, but mostly because I am a combination of clumsy and unlucky. My constant misfortune is a veritable fountain of amusement for my friends, who I often regale with my tales of woe. I have fallen down steps and accidentally flashed my panties to strangers. I have walked into and tripped over everything under the sun. I have said stupid things. I have slapped complete strangers on the bum, mistaking them for friends. I often tell my best friend that my life is like a bad comedy. You know those movies where the protagonist is always getting themselves into sticky, tricky, awkward situations? Yeah, that’s my life.

Like the other day, I started my training for zips on shoes, a particularly difficult and fiddly job that requires patience (which I have very little of) and concentration (which I can, oooh, shiny!). So I attempted to attach the new zip to the shoe. I placed the zip, lined it up and stitched it in, but unfortunately missed half the lining. So I went back and did it again, taking extra care this time to stitch ALL the lining. When I was finished, I was so happy with myself…until I realised I had been so concerned with the lining, that I had forgotten the pertinent step of actually putting the zip in. I couldn’t help but laugh at my foolishness, though I don’t think my boss was as amused. And thus began my third attempt.

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Today was weird. I was in a bizarrely good mood, happily engaging customers in friendly conversation. The multitudes of screaming children didn’t even seem to bother me…quite as much. The strange part is that today was incredibly unlucky. I banged my knee twice on my bed. I tripped down my front steps. I took the lid off my hot chocolate and spilled it everywhere. I dropped my keys countless times. A customer took something the wrong way and got offended, and when I proceeded to explain what I had meant, she intentionally insulted and embarrassed me out of spite. And then, to top it all off, on the way back from the post office, some an idiot drove into my lane, forced me to swerve and nearly caused an accident. And naturally, while I sat in my car near the tree I almost hit, hyperventilating in shock, the bastard just drove away. Suffice to say, today was not my day.

And yet, strangely unperturbed, I carried on. This is not always the case. More often than not, a bad day will send me to bed in angry frustration, where I will hide under my covers in sullen fury, cursing the universe and everyone in it. But sometimes, you just have to laugh at yourself and move on. I mean, when you’re as unlucky as I am, you can’t take yourself too seriously. So now, with the bad day well and truly behind me, and still in surprisingly high spirits, I am going to curl up on the couch with a blanket and some TV. I can’t possibly do any harm by sitting down! (at least I hope I can’t…)

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