I cleaned my house the other day. I did washing, vaccuumed, did the dishes, changed my sheets and made my bed, cleaned the bathroom and dusted everything. I was just looking at my bedside table and noticed that already, dust has settled again in the surface. You know the saying, the only two certainties in life are death and taxes? Yeah, well they forgot about the dust.
If you leave anything too long, dust will settle. This is going to sound weird, but I feel like my bedside table is a metaphor for my life. I’ve been in the same place for so long, I’ve become dusty. Lately, I’ve become restless. I mean, I’m a little like that in general, it’s an almost integral part of my nature. I was always that child who couldn’t sit still, and got bored if I had to stay in the same seat for too long. So the restlessness I feel isn’t anything new, but the last few months, I’ve really had the need for change.
Moving out helped, but I’m still in the same town. I’m still working in retail. I’m still doing the same things and seeing the same people and living the same life. I’m not saying I want to be someone else. But I just want something different. Something new. I know, it’s sort of my broken record tune this last year. More and more, I feel there is fewer things holding me to this town. Save for perhaps one or two things that really, it would just be incredibly difficult – not impossible – to leave, there’s no reason I can’t pack up and go.
I guess my problem is knowing that even if I move somewhere else, that restlessness won’t go away. Sooner or later, I’ll get tired of whatever town I’m living in, bored of the same people and disinterested in the same places. So what do I do? I don’t have the kind of money necessary to satiate my wanderlust, so do I keep moving on a small scale to attempt to convince myself I’m making changes? Or do I just stay where I already am, since none of the alternate solutions will satisfy my restless nature anyway? These are the tricky questions. And sooner or later, I’m going to have to make a decision, otherwise I’ll become so dusty that my life will be shoved to the back of the shelf, hidden and lost and forgotten amongst the other shiny lives. And damn it, I want a shiny life too.