Problems With Pageantry

You know, I think there are few things in life more repulsive than baby pageants. It’s disgusting. A way for parents to parade their children around, and instill their competitive nature on their unsuspecting offspring. It’s bad enough that these things exist, but even worse is the fact that today, I have to suffer through one.

No, I don’t have children. I’m only twenty three, for a start, and still mostly a child myself (mentally at least!). And secondly, children are…gross. I know, I know, I was a child too once, children are the future blah blah blah. But that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t like them. The reason I am having to deal with a baby pageant is because the shopping center that I work at had decided to place one right out the front of my workplace. This is for one of two reasons. Either they a) hate me or b) really hate me. Regardless, I now have to try and do my job amidst the cacophony and madness of a fucking baby show.

Why am I so vehemently against it, you might ask? Well, there are a few reasons. First of all, as I have already stated, I think the idea of parading a child around for profit and glory is a poor way to parent. Living vicariously is one thing, but living vicariously through the ‘glory’ of your infant child is a whole other level. Then there is the competitive nature of the whole thing. Just in the last ten minutes alone, I have witnessed three mothers give nasty looks to other mothers with infant children. Three! Come on, really? You’re getting jealous of a baby?! Terrified that someone else’s child might fare better than yours? And I can almost guarantee that if any of those mothers have kids that don’t win, they will rage and rant about how their child should have won, and how the other children weren’t as cute. Because that’s a good thing to teach a child. I am almost sure that temper tantrums will ensure, from children and mothers alike.

And speaking of the message that it sends, what ever happened to teaching your child humility and kindness and how to be a decent human being? No, these parents are more concerned with telling their children that they can get by in life on the sole basis of how cute they are. Because obviously, looks are everything. Sure, let’s breed another generation that thinks they’re entitled to everything for nothing, purely because they happen to be blessed with good looks. Fuck off and go straight to hell. Do not pass Go, do not collect the two hundred dollars you would receive from winning a baby pageant.

Look, I realise that I am generalising here. But it is the same problem I have with parents who post a billion photos of their children doing exactly the same thing every day. I understand that as a parent, you think your child is the most adorable, wonderful kid in the universe, and I understand that you’re proud of it. By all means, be proud of your child. But don’t shove it in everyone’s face. And for goodness sake, don’t parade it around.

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