Do you guys remember my one hour friend? He was a laptop technician who came to repair my laptop late last year, and he had something of an impact on me. Anyway, as I was walking back from the bank this morning, I was pondering my single life, and the notion of dating someone for the first time in over four years. To be honest with you, I’ve been a bit hesitant to admit that for the first time since my ex and I broke up way back in 2012 (I just did the math, and it’s been longer than I thought…!), I’m considering putting myself out there and trying to meet people. Now, as you may have gathered from yesterday’s post, I want to meet people in general. But in this case, I am looking to meet a person. Like…a person to be my person. Y’know?
So, back to the laptop guy. When he was fixing my laptop, we had a pretty great conversation. Over the course of the conversation, we go onto the subject of kids, and how I said I didn’t want any, and how people always tell me I will change my mind. And he said something to me that kind of just…resonated with me. I can’t remember his exact words, but he essentially said that it’s ok to change your mind. There was no judgement about it, and he wasn’t telling me that I would change my mind on the kid issue, just that it was ok if I ever did. It was as simple as that, and yet it kind of stuck around in the back of my mind. And this morning while I was doing my wandering and pondering, it popped back into my conscious mind again.
See, for so long I have been staunchly against the idea of being with someone. It’s never really worked out too well for me in the past, and I really do enjoy being on my own. And despite concerns from my dad, my buddy from back home, and a couple of other people I’ve discussed my serial singleness with, I insisted that I was better off that way.
But in recent months, I’ve been feeling a bit lonesome on my ownsome. I think a lot of that has to do with moving away from everything I’ve ever known and all that stuff I’ve already talked about before. The thing is, because I’ve been so vocal about being happy on my own for such a long time, I felt too ashamed to admit that things have changed. That now maybe I would like to meet someone. And that’s why those words about change popped back into my mind.
All I’m saying is, you have to allow for things to happen to people, but most of all to yourself. – Laura (High Fidelity)
See, it’s something I’m beginning to realise. I mean, really pay attention to. It’s ok to change, and more than that, it’s expected. So just because I’ve been single for the last four and a bit years, doesn’t mean I have to spend the rest of my life that way. And it’s ok for me to want and need something that up until now, I haven’t wanted or needed. I mean, can you imagine a world where nothing ever changed? Can you imagine how dull that would be? Change is normal and good and I have to allow it to happen. Otherwise I may very well get to old age and realise that I have allowed myself to become old and bitter and completely devoid of any positive emotion. Huh…I guess my dad was right all along.
I’m not really sure what I’ll do from here. For now, I think it’s enough to just admit that I’m going to open myself up to the possibility of a relationship. It’s like I said in a previous post; I’m going to stop holding myself back. And this is one of those things I am going to work on. Rad, single girls, where y’all at?
P.S. For real though, I am seriously never having children.