Acting

My friend informed me earlier that it is Oscars Day today. People are going to be all abuzz about the potential winners of these annual awards. Many of you may tune in, and there is a distinct possibility that you will find yourself wishing you could meet an actor of such a high calibre that they deserve an award. Well here’s the thing; you can. And you know the best part? You don’t even have to go to Hollywood to do it. Would you like to know how you could do such a thing, without having to travel or spend money? It’s easy.

Make friends with a depressed person.

Or if you want to get even more specific, make friends with a depressed person who works in retail. Then, I promise you, you’ll really see something.

I mean, it’s hard enough to find the strength to even get out of bed. And I don’t even mean physically, I mean mentally, the very notion of having to move is exhausting. But for those of us who don’t have the luxury of staying in bed, we then have to go through all the motions and arrive at work seemingly ready to face the day. And then we have to actually face the day. Serving customers, which can be taxing at the best of times, becomes a draining ordeal. I smile, and I’m polite, and I do my job because I am a responsible adult and I have to go to work. And I pull it off, because after years, I’ve perfected the art of pretending that I’m ok. On the surface, everything looks normal. Inside, I feel nothing but numbness, and all consuming exhaustion.

“Hi, how can I help you?” (Please go away)
“Sure, that will be $19.95” (I really don’t care about the story you’re about to tell me)
“Thank you, have a good day” (I want to die)

Depressed people are such good actors, that they can even fool those closest to them. But credit where credit is due. If a depressed person were to win the Best Actor award, then everyone around them would at least be deserving of Best Supporting Actor. Because they all pretend, very convincingly, to care. They don’t, not really. People are funny that way. They will ask you if you’re ok, but they don’t want to hear that you’re not. Because then you become a problem, you become something they weren’t expecting to have to deal with. You become a burden. And what is the golden rule, kids? That’s right; we must never, ever be a burden.

Things are very bad inside my head right now. It’s taking absolutely everything I have to keep going.

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5 thoughts on “Acting

  1. I don’t know what to offer here. No platitudes because aurgh, frustrating. No promising someone cares because I don’t know you and I don’t know the other people in your life. Chances are high someone genuinely does care, but it’s pretty condescending for a virtual stranger like me to assume I know more about your life / friends than you. Here’s the thing though: I’m in Melbs, I think people generally suck (read: I’m not an annoying “everything’s going to be alright” type), and I get that sometimes life is just pretty damned shitty. If you need a virtual (or non-virtual) diversion, hit me up.

    1. I appreciate that you didn’t do the whole “suck it up and deal, things will get better” thing. There’s nothing worse than someone who is not in you head, trying to tell you that it’s not as bad as you think. I know I just have to make it through but…man, I want to sleep. Like, forever. And instead I am facing the seemingly endless nothing and I have to smile through it all and pretend like I’m fine. But thank you, honestly, for your kind words.

  2. I am very sorry to hear it is bad in your head right now. I will be holding good thoughts for you, keeping them warm and safe until you are ready to again hold them yourself.

  3. When I saw the title I was going to tell you that I’ve started to go to acting classes. But by the end I just wanted to give you a big hug and let you know you that there will always be people who will care about you.

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