Let’s be Clear; Not Liking Men is Not the Same as Hating Men.

Guys, this is not the post I was going to write today, but I’m incensed by something I just read and, rather than commenting on the thread I read it on, I’m writing a post. This is for two reasons; firstly, I make a point to never interact with online arguments, especially if they weren’t started with me. It never does anything except make me angry, and the keyboard warriors feel stronger. Secondly, what I have to say in relation to it is longer than I can justify making a comment about. It deserves a post.

I just read a post by a woman called Gretchen, who talks about underlying ownership of women in society. It’s the same thing I’ve read countless times before; the kind of thing that women write and people love to argue about in the comments. There’s always a couple of people who sit there behind their keyboards and call out the writer because the post doesn’t agree with their particular opinions about a particular issue. And soon enough, the nasty comes out and it goes from being a simple, thoughtful post, to being a battle of the online crusaders. Neither side will change their opinions, and rather defend them with fervour and cruelty in an attempt to try and one-up their perceived opponent. It never gets anowhere and it does absolutely nothing to come to a peaceful resolution where people can speak freely, calmly and politely, and handle a situation or problem like decent, respectful human beings.

One comment in the thread made me particularly angry though, and I actually typed out a direct response before I remembered my “don’t argue on the internet” rule. I took a breath. I composed myself. I promised I wouldn’t read any more comments because I was by that point, practically seething. The comment read “are you a lesbian by chance? I see you hate men and and I see you are utterly obsessed with homosexuals. I’m just trying to find the correlation.”

Boy, am I furious now. But I’m going to try and present a calm argument here, holding back on the mean things I could say in response to that. Because nasty gets us nowhere. So, in response to you, a most impolite and ignorant man. Here goes.

Being a lesbian does not mean you hate men. Not being attracted to men, and not liking men are not the same thing. You might be a decent guy, you might even be nice looking, and still unappealing sexually to a gay woman. Hell, you might even be all of those things and sexually unappealing to a straight woman. That is not a horrible thing to say, it is just a fact, in the same way a woman is sexually unappealing to a gay man. Being gay is not a choice, and especially not one made to offend or belittle you. It is a genetic predisposition towards attraction to a particular gender. If that gender and yours are not one and the same, do not get angry and hurtful about it. Do not insist you can change it. And do not attempt to use it as a weapon against the person.

To sit there and claim that lesbians hate men simply because they don’t want to have sex with one, is both petulant and, frankly, just plain dumb. And it frustrates me that this kind of nonsense is still so prevalent in arguments about gender and sexual orientation. I mean…come on guys, I know you’re smarter than that. Or at least, I’m holding out hope.

2 thoughts on “Let’s be Clear; Not Liking Men is Not the Same as Hating Men.

  1. Whenever I see comments like that (usually on reddit) I start typing furiously… but then I stop, take a deep breath, delete everything I just wrote and block them. Because no. Not today! Not any day! Not worth my time, honestly.
    So. I TRY not to feed the trolls. Sometimes though I can’t help but slip them something.. 🙈

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