11:30 Ramblings

I’m not very good at feeling alone. I’m very good at being alone, but when it comes to feeling it, that’s a whole different ball game. And to be honest, I was never very good at sports.

I am forever torn between wanting to completely cut myself off from everyone (yes, everyone) and just wanting someone to kinda…hug me a little bit. And I mean, I don’t even really like to be hugged, but I think it’s an indication of something deeper. But I almost always lean towards the former. I intentionally shut people out, and it’s not unusual for me to quietly slip from a person’s life without so much as a wave goodbye. Why, you may ask? Well, the short answer is because I’m a bad person. The long answer is…infinitely more complicated. 

People need people. Even if they say they don’t. In my case, that subliminal need for others is at odds with my hatred of the human race as a whole, and something I find periodically frustrating. It would certainly be easier if I didn’t need anything. 

Being human is complicated.

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