Love-Hate Relationships; Body Edition 

I’m chubby. There’s really no denying it now. Softer around the edges, wider around the hips, wobblier around the thighs, and all of my clothes range from just a little bit too tight, to blazingly uncomfortable. I am sometimes ok with it, sometimes not ok with it. Existing within a changing body is a strange thing.

I’m not used to carrying this extra weight, and I’ve spent a lot of time prodding and poking these newfound chubby bits, trying to make sense of them, and the way I now fit this new, heavier form. 

I used to be an incredibly active person. Everywhere I could go, I would walk. And then I got my license and I got lazy. And then I moved to the city and I didn’t trust the area enough to walk at my preferred time…which is and has always been in darkness. And then I got a job working in a call centre, where I spend most of my day sitting down. Slowly but surely, my weight crept up and up until I realised that it wasn’t just me noticing, but other people too. Now, I’m still perfectly healthy and all, I’m just all over rounder.

I feel uncomfortable a lot of the time. Conspicuous. I have taken to wearing increasingly looser fitting clothing, both because I don’t like super tight fitting clothes and because I feel less obvious that way. This new insecurity is very unusual for me, who has always been fairly confident…if somewhat awkward. I’m not sure I like it all that much either. And I think that has a lot to do with my irritation at allowing myself to become so lazy. I think complacency can be a dangerous habit, and I’m annoyed that I’ve become that way.

I’ve been making more of a conscious effort of late, though. Trying to see the good things about this different figure, whilst simultaneously making an effort to get more regular exercise into my somewhat monotonous routine. I see a lot of beautiful curvy women and I see how comfortable and happy and confident they are, and I envy them a little, because I’m still not 100% happy with my own reflection at the moment. Everywhere I look I see slogans about body positivity, and I am doing my best to love my chubby body as much as I loved my un-chubby one. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. I guess it’s human nature to feel uncomfortable in our own skin from time to time.

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8 thoughts on “Love-Hate Relationships; Body Edition 

  1. I am in EXACTLY the same place as you right now. When I read this line – “and all of my clothes range from just a little bit too tight, to blazingly uncomfortable” – I actually nodded because I only have about 5 pairs of jeans and none of them feel comfortable right now. I KNOW that I need to actually move my body but it’s so cold outside I’m not into it.

    Instead I’ve started to tell myself I’m just padding myself for the inevitable winter hibernation.

    *sigh*

  2. Gotta say I saw a picture of you the other day on Instagram (this makes me sound like a stalker 😂) and I wouldn’t describe you as chubby at all. You know your body and if youve put weight on of course but whatever the label for it you’re gorgeous. I can understand it though so I’m not at all meaning to come across like I’m disregarding how you feel about it, I definitely understand that irritation with self for not being more active. I’m a night walker too and so I can feel the frustration in not being able to do that!! I hope you get your confidence back ten fold and I’m sure starting to do some exercise will help with how you feel too! 😄

  3. I understand how this feels. I have had a hard time dealing with my weight distributing street having Sylvia, and it only got worse once I left myself focus on how much I didn’t like my body. I hate my body. But for me it will never go back to the way it was. You are great, and beautiful, the way you are, but if you aren’t completely happy with yourself then be proactive.🖤

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