An Open Letter to Two Creeps

Dear Creeps,

I couldn’t help but overhear – mostly because you were being obnoxiously loud about it – but you both seemed to have quite the obsession with penises, and I just can’t help but wonder if it’s maybe because neither of you have one. So I thought I’d offer some free advice; there’s these amazing things you can buy in sex shops nowadays, they’re actually a strap on penis. I highly recommend you each go and purchase one, since it might help with those feelings of inadequacy you both have going on, and your apparent inability to attract any kind of positive attention from a woman.

Let’s be real here; I am a grown woman. An adult, for all intents and purposes. The word penis does not shock me, no matter how many times you repeat it, or how loudly you say it. If your childish antics were intended to illicit any kind of response from me, I’m afraid I was no more inclined to give reaction than if you had have repeated the word chair with the same increasing regularity and volume.

You see, I’ve had experience with men of your ilk before, and I am more than familiar with the game. The game in which one or more of you see a woman on her own, and do your best to make her feel scared or uncomfortable. I have long since discovered, through countless encounters of a similar nature, that blatant ignorance is the best response, which is exactly what I did tonight, as you leered at me and made crass comments. I didn’t rise to the bait, despite how desperately you tried for my attention. Your juvenile and boorish behaviour does bring some questions to mind, however.

Firstly, I wonder if you would treat the women in your life the way you treat a stranger. If you do, I feel supremely sorry for them, and even more disgusted with you. Secondly, I wonder how you would feel if it were you subjected to the lecherous behaviour you demonstrated tonight, and whether you would have handled being objectified with the same cool detachment I managed. And finally, I wonder if you would be so bold had I have been in the company of a male friend of family member. These are all questions I will never receive an answer to, but they are valid questions nonetheless.

The point where you crossed the line from nuisance, to clear harassment came when I left after getting my coffee. Let us be clear. In modern society, it is not considered polite or acceptable to closely follow anyone out of an establishment and repeatedly ask “want a penis in your mouth?”. There is absolutely no situation where that is appropriate to do to a stranger, and it was reprehensible behaviour. You thought you were being funny (which only goes to show what abhorrent, mouth breathing jerks you really are), but being intentionally intimidating for the purpose of amusement is a vile thing to do. Had I have turned to upend my scalding coffee over your heads, I would have been justified.

I would like to think that better people might reflect on their actions, and realise it was a dick move. But, as evidenced by your Neanderthal natures, you have neither the brain capacity nor emotional ability required to show respect and consideration where it is due, and that is it highly likely that you were just too stupid or ignorant to realise it was wrong. Though that is in no way an excuse for the way you behaved, it at least means I can lower my expectations about you feeling remotely apologetic.

Yours in disgust,


6 thoughts on “An Open Letter to Two Creeps

  1. Ugh. You should have turned and pretended you were about to bite his face off. Once you’ve snapped your jaw shut inches from his face just calmly smile and dust yourself off and say “Sure! I was going to buy a packet of gum but I suppose I could chew on something else…” and watch him recoil at the thought of someone chewing on his precious peen.

    1. Haha! It’s not usually in my nature to be so passive in the face of confrontation but in that case, I knew I was safer to just ignore them…and get to my car and drive outta that car park reeeeally fast!

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