A Soundtrack for This Ragey Morning

There is a song on my iPod called A Soundtrack For This Rainy Morning. It is by The Ataris, one of those bands that made its way onto my iPod without any idea from me where or who it came from. I didn’t listen to it this morning. Instead, my playlist this rainy morning was filled with as much rage, and angry energy as I started the day with. The anger makes an almost pleasant change from the numbness, if it weren’t for, y’know, the hand shaking, teeth gritting rage part.

I haven’t been feeling myself at all lately, so last night I decided to actually feel myself, and rubbed one out to ease myself into sleep. Despite a powerful orgasm and an almost instant pass out, I woke up super early, after some unpleasant and fragmented dreams, because of the wretched possum. I ache all over – from the last couple of days of work, not the masturbation – and so once I was awake, I couldn’t get comfortable again. By the time I finally arose from bed to get ready for work, I was already on my way to a foul mood.

After catching every red light from my house to the slip road, I nearly got sideswiped by a dumb, ignorant jerk who apparently doesn’t know the rules when it comes to merging traffic. The free lane beside him stayed free, as I pulled some Fast and Furious shit to avoid both him, and the car ahead of me that was also trying to merge into the same lane. Jerk Driver just kept on driving, in the far left lane, ignorant to the fact that he could have caused an accident. I flipped him off, and skipped the He Is We song that came on as I was merging. What came next was Cataclysm Children, by Dimmu Borgir, and I turned it up. Loud. Dimmu is one of those bands that I really like, but I don’t listen to all the time, because their music suits a certain kind of…mood. This morning, I was in exactly the right mood. Sometimes, you just need a good, heavy dose of Symphonic Black Metal (best friend confirmed) to start your day.

Reveal the infantile wound and regain strength
Free your spirit from those who lead in praise
Recollect the anger and the hate
For not shall your morals dissolve in pity 

As I continued down the highway, I was in the far right lane. Which is a lane universally acknowledged as the fast lane. I found myself stuck behind a driver who wanted to sit ten kms below the speed limit of 100. I was stuck behind him for a solid ten minutes, as other cars actually doing the speed limit whizzed past me. I skipped past AFI, Something For Kate, and Hot Water Music. None of them felt right. I stopped skipping when my iPod played Sampo, by Amorphis, a band which falls under the category of Folk Metal (best friend knowledge strikes again), and happens to be a personal favourite of mine. There’s something about their songs that just…gets me, and I cannot get over how much I dig Tomi’s vocals.

From roaring flames the shapes emerge
Come forth they do with vile charms
Their poisoned core hides in beauty
But I see and perceive their deceit, I see

Now by this point you can imagine just how angry I had become. Everything seemed to be conspiring to make me so, and I was in no mood to deny the universe its want. Just when I thought people couldn’t get any more stupid, I encountered Ignorant Diver #3. Yet another oblivious jerk who tried to merge into my lane, with no room, no indicator, and nowhere for me to go to avoid his car as it got closer to mine, way too quickly. I gave him a sharp blast of my horn and only then did he seem to actually notice that he was attempting to merge straight into my car. I drove forward as he continued in his lane. Then a minute or so later, he tried to turn right from a non turning lane, once again nearly hitting my car and me, in the actual turning lane, trying to turn into a side street. This time it wasn’t sufficient to just give him my horn. I sent both windows down, let the rain into my car, turned my volume down for long enough to shout “PAY SOME FUCKING ATTENTION!” and then turned it back up, the powerful stereo in my little car blasting Australian alternative rock legends, Karnivool, right out my open windows and into the gloomy morning. The song was Lifelike.

Say it’s alright
When I’m coming down
Not again it’s so lifelike
Come make it alright
When I’m coming down
Not again I’m fragile

I got to work. I have been working in another shop for the last four days, and when I came back to this shop, I have discovered that essential tools have been misplaced/stolen. Nothing is in order. Customers are assholes. But at least I have 3275 songs to play to make me feel better and suit my mood. I’ve been furious for most of the day today, but music is there. Music is good that way; it just gets me.

Metal Mornings and Amping Up (Ha!) For a Day of Retail

I think the music you listen to, has the incredible ability to affect your mood at any given time. If I’m hating the world and want to do nothing but curl up in a ball and cry, sometimes listening to sad, slow sounding songs just makes me more miserable. At other times, it makes me feel better. This morning, I didn’t want to get out of bed. I’ve been going through a tough time lately, and despite the fact that the last couple of days have been better, I apparently relapsed into a less than pleasant state of mind. So this morning, when my alarm went off at seven – a good five hours later than when I awoke – I turned it off, rolled over and pulled the covers over my head.

For a solid hour, I waged an inner battle with my own sense of responsibility. Despite the fact that I knew I didn’t have a choice but to get up, I remained firmly where I was; my stubbornness and lack of motivation winning against any modicum of adult that I have managed to obtain since officially earning that title. When I finally resigned myself to the fact that I did have to get out of bed and go to work, it was with no small measure of discontent that I threw the covers back and got up. In the ten minutes I had allowed myself before I had to leave, I went through the motions of brushing my teeth, getting dressed and collecting the necessary items, going about my morning as if I were in a trance. It wasn’t until I got in my car that I started to feel even a little awake.

I usually plug my iPod in when I get in my car, but I have a cd in the player too, in case I can’t be bothered with the iPod (for example if I’m only going on a short drive and it’s not worth the hassle). Up until recently, I was playing Emarosa’s most recent album, Versus. Although I do love the songs, there are only ten or so on the album, and after a few weeks of listening to the same thing, I was pretty sick of hearing them. To counter this musical rut, I changed things up yesterday, and put Opeth’s Blackwater Park on instead.


Hailed (by me at least) as one of Opeth’s greatest musical achievements, Blackwater Park is certainly one of my favourite albums. And this morning, it had the benefit of gearing me up for a day of retail that I would otherwise rather have spent in bed, wallowing in my own despair. I turned the volume up as loud as I could without making my speakers crackle and revelled in the wonders of Mikael’s vocals and the phenomenal power of instrumental genius. There’s just something about metal music that gets me pumped. By the time I got to work, I felt like I could single handedly take on a ten tonne giant, and so the prospect of facing a day full of customers seemed infinitely less daunting than it had at 8:19 this morning.

The only problem with listening to metal the whole way to work is that I was so in the mood for heavy music, I wanted to plug my iPod in at work and play more of it when I got in store. Not that I would have been bothered by that, but somehow I doubt customers would be as willing to approach the shop. Then again, maybe that’s the solution.