Y’all, I fucked up.
So, it’s been a little while since I last posted. You may have gathered from my last post that things in my life have taken a sudden, somewhat drastic upswing. I feel like I have been busier in the last two months than I have been in a really long time. This has nothing to do with the fact that things in Australia are picking up in the wake of COVID, and everything to do with the fact that I have suddenly taken on a whole lot of new things.
Perhaps it’s some kind of subconscious attempt to make up for lost time, but in the last couple of months I have started coaching with a friend of mine, I have started a new job, I have finally – after over a year of owning roller skates – started to slowly practice my skating skills (I’m still as wobbly as a baby giraffe, but I’m sure I’ll improve), I have started singing with some gals, and even started sporadically practicing the guitar again. Basically I have gone from having a pretty empty schedule, to having an almost over filled one.
And therein lies my problem. There’s a lot going on. I got distracted, I was unobservant; I made a big mistake at my new job. It’s a fixable mistake, but it’s not a small one and I feel pretty shitty about it. I have let down the client, and let down the gal I work for, and honestly when I realised what I had done, I nearly cried. Which is extremely unlike me usually, but I’m learning to embrace the softer side of me (another blog for another time) and so I am admitting openly, to a bunch of strangers on the internet, that I fucked up and I got pretty emotional about it. You’re welcome, this means we’re friends now.
The thing is, I’ve been pretty overwhelmed with everything going on in my life. I just had four ‘days off’, and I spent two and half of those working anyway, so really I had one day off, and then I was so exhausted that I just got into bed and watched the final two films in the Twilight saga in the remainder of my final day (there I go again, admitting vaguely embarrassing things out loud). With things at my main job picking up due to people getting out and about – plus the fact that it’s retail and also the weeks leading up to Christmas – I sort of feel like I haven’t had time to breathe.
I think this problem of being overwhelmed is easily rectified by being more organised. But the problem is, I am having trouble finding the time to get anything done. I blink, and three hours have passed. I sit down to do one thing, and then it’s the end of the day and I have achieved nothing. Wait. I turned 28 a week ago, is this quickening time thing a result of ageing? Am I going to wake up tomorrow and be ninety?!
*sigh* Despite everything that has been going on, I still believe that the things I am doing now and going to set me up for the future. I know that the choices I have made, and the changes I am making are going to be for the better in the long run. But right now, I’m just struggling a little.
Well, thanks for listening to me vent a bit. I’m going to go and spend the next blink (*read, three hours) trying to fix the mistake that I made. Wish me luck.